Be Honest With Yourself.
October 10th, 2010 will forever stay in my mind as the day I made a life altering decision. It was the day I asked a question that changed my life. Let me share with you what lead to this question first...
I'm going to be completely honest here because I believe it's important and it's something I've wanted to share for a while, but because of the content, I've held back... For obvious reasons.
A few years ago my wife and I were having some trouble in our marriage. We lost a connection. We weren't communicating. We just got caught up in the day to day and didn't take the time to spend time with each other. We didn't do date nights, we didn't really talk about anything anymore other than work and our daughter. We'd park ourselves at opposite ends of the couch and get lost in TV shows.
Because of this, there were issues that finally came to a boil. We were in trouble and the outcome was looking bleak. We decided that there was still "something" in our relationship and it was worth "talking to someone" about it for the sake of our daughter and ourselves.
Through our conversations we learned to "listen" and "respect" each other again. We learned how vital it is to go out with each other, a date night! We learned to look inside and find issues within ourselves that need to be addressed. TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH OURSELVES.
One of the key factors was not to blame the other person and find things that we needed to address about ourselves and to talk about them.
At the time it seemed like everyone around us had their marriage collapse and all signs were leading in that direction for us as well, but we had to try. In time, it was working. I did a lot of reading, a lot of listening to The Secret, and a lot of talking and listening with my wife.
In the end we finally discovered that we did indeed still love each other very much and rediscovered our passion to be together. It may sound easy in this blog but it was a very tough 4 or 5 months of "being honest" with ourselves and not passing the blame on each other for the situations we found ourselves in.
I've had far too many discussions with friends who's marriage broke up and how "it wasn't their fault". It may not have been 100% their fault, but no where in the conversatins with them did they admit they had any problems.
Talk. Trust. Listen. Love. Patience. Understanding. Self Examine. All words that helped get us to that place again: A happy & healthy marriage! We are more in love now than we have ever been and are planning a second wedding soon.
Now... the question I asked myself:
I had been a pot head for years (I started at 15) and each time I got baked, my inner voice would scream at me that I should stop - but I would justify it somehow. On the day the "shit finally hit the fan" with my marriage I went for a walk, sparked one up in the woods then looked at it and asked out loud: "Do I have a problem with pot smoking?"
Within seconds, 3 little birds (3 is my favorite number) flew down and landed inches beside me. That was my answer! YES. It was at THAT point, I knew I had a problem and I stopped... cold turkey, right then and there. I admitted to my wife I had a problem with pot and that I was stopping and that I would talk with her about it if I ever was tempted by it again (she knew I did it and hated that I did it). Fortunately, we haven't had that conversation.
I've been clean and clear headed for 2 years as of this Oct. 10th and my life has never been better!
I hope that if you or someone you know is having some "trouble" in life, maybe you can share this with them. Just be honest with yourself and admit your problems to someone you know, trust or love. That's the first step, after that... with any luck, the rest will fall into place.
Thanks for letting me share.